I have been especially mindful of the passage of time lately. Nothing about this is surprising: Although California is choking under a major heat wave at the moment (more than a week in the 100s and no AC makes Sara a very listless girl) it is clear that the seasons are turning. The days are shorter. The oak leaves are looking tired. Ranch Party is in the rear view mirror.
There’s more. I turn 38 tomorrow. Not exactly a milestone, not 40. But still not awesome. The not-married, no-kids, no-retirement plan part of me sees 38 as a very bad number. Don’t get me wrong, I am very proud of the last year. I don’t feel like I’m sitting in the waiting room of my life anymore. I own this experience, and I am happy.
I am. I promise.
Come on, I know I’m not the only one who gets gloomy around her birthday. So what if I literally never got up from the couch yesterday except to feed the animals and water the garden and instead spent the entire day smelling my own armpits and rewatching 40 Year Old Virgin? It’s 100 degrees and I’m turning 38. These big numbers warrant a little couch sitting.
And then there was another big number this week. My 20th high school reunion. What kind of wack ass person has a 20th high school reunion to go to? An old one is what kind. I didn’t go to the 10 year reunion. It was too soon for me to revisit an experience that I was still trying to
pretend never happened understand. I heard from others it was kinda weird and I’m glad I didn’t go. This one was actually super fun and it was great to see people – all but 3 of whom I had not seen once since I went screaming from this town like Luke getting out of Cloud City via the garbage chute.
If you know what I mean.
So to recap: 38 years old, 20th high school reunion, 100 degrees. These numbers are dizzying. How can a person be so melancholy over the passing of time and simultaneously so ready for summer to be over? I love summer. It’s my favorite thing ever. But right now I love it the way you love watermelon after eating a whole one for dinner because you refuse to go to the grocery store because it would require you to take a shower and act like a normal person.
I guess since there’s no stopping time, I might as well enjoy the ride. I mean no duh, right? But give me a break, I’m old, I forget things.