Turn, Turn, Turn

I have been especially mindful of the passage of time lately. Nothing about this is surprising: Although California is choking under a major heat wave at the moment (more than a week in the 100s and no AC makes Sara a very listless girl) it is clear that the seasons are turning. The days are shorter. The oak leaves are looking tired. Ranch Party is in the rear view mirror.

There’s more. I turn 38 tomorrow. Not exactly a milestone, not 40. But still not awesome. The not-married, no-kids, no-retirement plan part of me sees 38 as a very bad number.  Don’t get me wrong, I am very proud of the last year. I don’t feel like I’m sitting in the waiting room of my life anymore. I own this experience, and I am happy.

I am. I promise.

Come on, I know I’m not the only one who gets gloomy around her birthday. So what if I literally never got up from the couch yesterday except to feed the animals and water the garden and instead spent the entire day smelling my own armpits and rewatching 40 Year Old Virgin? It’s 100 degrees and I’m turning 38.  These big numbers warrant a little couch sitting.

And then there was another big number this week. My 20th high school reunion. What kind of wack ass person has a 20th high school reunion to go to? An old one is what kind. I didn’t go to the 10 year reunion. It was too soon for me to revisit an experience that I was still trying to pretend never happened understand. I heard from others it was kinda weird and I’m glad I didn’t go. This one was actually super fun and it was great to see people – all but 3 of whom I had not seen once since I went screaming from this town like Luke getting out of Cloud City via the garbage chute.

If you know what I mean.

So to recap: 38 years old, 20th high school reunion, 100 degrees. These numbers are dizzying. How can a person be so melancholy over the passing of time and simultaneously so ready for summer to be over? I love summer. It’s my favorite thing ever. But right now I love it the way you love watermelon after eating a whole one for dinner because you refuse to go to the grocery store because it would require you to take a shower and act like a normal person.

For example.

I guess since there’s no stopping time, I might as well enjoy the ride. I mean no duh, right? But give me a break, I’m old, I forget things.

13 thoughts on “Turn, Turn, Turn

  1. most hilarious. you’re rocking out so hard, and making us all laugh while doing it. i’m so glad you’re my (old ass) sister!

  2. happy pre-birthday sara! i always dread my birthday too. but it’s awesome, you’re 38! you’ll have to give me the inside scoop on how that is..i’m almost there too. time is slip, slip, slipping into the future but we’ve got to grab it and enjoy it.

  3. Love the post. You have a great way of capturing that subtle mix of feelings that happens at any birthday.
    But 38 is old ass?!
    Oh, my. You just wait.

      • Consider this: 38 was also the oldest I’ve ever been in my entire life. Beautiful post. Love you! A homemade birthday pizza coming to you from your oven on Friday night.

  4. I recently passed a bday with some similar feelings… It kind of sucked for vague reasons. As for getting older, I can’t say “age is relative” anymore w/out feeling a little cheesy. So it goes… Birthdays rock and I hope you have a good one!

  5. Hey lady- having just crossed the big 40 line myself, I can honestly say that is really isn’t anything but a number… you’re only as old as you feel, and you, my friend seem to be grooving to some magic Ranch Mojo that is smooth, homey, fun and hella real, and you look great doing it! I hope that makes you feel grounded and happy- at any age.

  6. As your father I suppose it is somewhat my fault that you are turning 38 tomorrow. Well mine and your mom’s of course. But as much of a bind as your birthday puts you in, it is, of course, one of the best things I have ever had a part in. And even taking into account the bodily responses to time and gravity, in retrospect the best times are still ahead. Count on it.

  7. The number doesn’t mean a thing. Celebrate the things you love…..and revel in the fact that you have a bit of sass in your spirit. Every day is a surprise when you approach it as an adventure.

  8. Thanks to all for the great comments! I couldn’t agree more. And even though the hoped-for break in the heat isn’t going to come today, I’m going to make it a great day anyway!

  9. Sweet Sara-
    Its your birthday and therefore cause for celebration! Because you are here, because you are alive, because you are the wonderful, thoughtful person you are. I stopped paying much attention to my birthdays years ago but there is a kind of reflective, meditative mood that sets in whenever you stop to consider the numbers, as you did in your post. From my vantage point I agree with your pa that even better times lie ahead, but I’m here to celebrate the ones you’ve already experienced and to marvel at all you have done in the time you have been on this planet. Keep your head up (that way sweat has less of a chance of rolling in your eyes) and keep chasing those dreams of yours. Who knows, by next year you may be milking a goat. Happy birthday goddaughter!
    Love, Wayne

  10. Happy birthday Sara! You’re all a bunch of kids compared to me. Wait until you’re 65! Still, I’m a very active 65: I work out, bake from scratch, garden, mow for 2 1/2 hrs at a time. There isn’t much I don’t do that I did when I was younger. Here’s my secret: DENY, DENY, DENY! I live in a state of denial. I have a summer home there ;- )

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